for fun

When Asbestos Fingers Would Come In Handy

First off, here’s the requisite fine print, so I don’t get kicked off the Daring Bakers’ books, especially after failing to do last month’s challenge:

“This month’s challenge is brought to us by Karen of Bake My Day and Zorra of 1x umruehren bitte aka Kochtopf. They have chosen Tuiles from The Chocolate Book by Angélique Schmeink and Nougatine and Chocolate Tuiles from Michel Roux.” The challenge also ordered us to pair the tuiles with “something light,” leaving the whole thing well open to creativity and interpretation.

Now I realize there may be a few questions at this point:

1. Karen and Zorra are bread bakers extraordinaire. Why didn’t they pick a bread recipe?
  - Karen and Zorra are complex women of many talents. We should all be so gifted.
2. What’s that stuff on top?
  - Crab salsa.
3. You put crab salsa on top of a cookie. What have you been smoking?
  - Actually, we had a secret savory option as well: cornets from Thomas Keller’s French Laundry Cookbook.

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Cake Fear

I think we have established by now that I am generally afraid of baking cakes. I fear that it won’t rise, or it will fall, or it will organize its temperamental little self into foam, sauce, and jelly-jammy layers because I failed to beat the egg whites just so. I worry that it will stick to the pan and come out in pieces so I have to make a “German Chocolate Trifle” for my husband’s birthday. Or it will be underbaked in the middle and I will not discover, until it is already on my guests’ plates and on its way to their mouths, that my lovely apple upside-down cake is actually apple upside-down pudding. (All theoretical concerns, of course, not that any of these things has actually happened to me.)

Well. This month’s Daring Bakers challenge (or “mob bake,” as my husband calls it) brought a whole new meaning to the phrase “fear of cake.” The way I see it, any recipe whose author admonishes you not to slip up or you’re looking at a trip to the ER definitely warrants an extra dose of serious baking anxiety. Not to mention full body armor.

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Google Eyes

The following open letter to Google may contain objectionable adult content. Reader discretion is advised.

Dear Google,

Thank you. You have lifted a veil from my eyes, and made me see what a truly loose woman I have apparently become.

When I discovered that not one, not two, but all of my photos are censored from Image Search with SafeSearch enabled, I admit I was baffled at first. All along I wanted this to be, and thought it was, a family blog. My mother reads it, and so do my kids. Now that I see, with your wise and perspicacious guidance, the lasciviousness I have so foolishly and publicly permitted myself to exhibit, I don’t know how I’ll be able to look them in the eye again. Never mind go to PTA meetings. And God help me if I ever decide to run for public office.

Like I said, I was baffled at first. But then, after a good night’s sleep (and I do mean sleep in the “not awake” sense, just to be clear), I sat down to take a look at my blog through fresh, objective eyes — through Google eyes, if you will — and I must say I was shocked at what I saw. The more I looked, the more lewdness I found. Oh, the shame!

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Adventures in Last-Minute Lemon Meringue Pie

lemon meringue pie

In her Christmas stocking this year, my daughter found a post-it note pad that says “If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never get anything done.” She feigned offense, but she grudgingly admits it’s true. The rest of that truth is that she inherited the procrastination gene from her parents.

With my three previous Daring Bakers challenges, I’ve fought it off successfully. I’m on shaky ground with most non-yeast baking, so the threat of public humiliation has been enough to stir me to action plenty early in the month. I had time to re-make the Bostini Cream Pie when the chiffon cake didn’t cooperate. Made the Potato Bread three times. And although I had some decent beginner’s luck with the Yule Log, I made darn sure my schedule could accommodate a take-two before the deadline, if needed.

Well, my true nature was bound to catch up with me sooner or later. I waited until the last possible (for me) day to bake the lemon meringue pie that is the January challenge, hosted by Canadian Baker Jen. And it was a day we had company for dinner, proving that, in addition to the procrastination gene, the stupid gene was also at work here. (In my defense, it was an old friend, a good sport not likely to be easily fazed by scary pie. Also, I did have some nice pistachio gelato on standby, just in case.)
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Tender Potato Bread: A Conversation In Three Acts

Tender potato bread - two boules

Cast of characters:

Act I, Scene 1

Hey, this month’s Daring Bakers challenge is bread, woohoo! Tanna has chosen Tender Potato Bread from Home Baking by Jeffrey Alford and Naomi Duguid. And she’s authorized us to make the recipe our own by seasoning and/or shaping it as we please. I’ve always wanted to make a fougasse. Now’s the perfect time! Let’s get started.

Hold on! Look, you’re used to working with ingredients by weight, and these measurements are given by volume. And, you’re used to using water to adjust the dough consistency, and the directions here say to do it with flour. You know you’re morally obligated as a Daring Baker to follow the directions, except where the host explicitly says you can use your creativity. Plus, you’ve never made bread with potatoes before, sweet potatoes don’t count. You don’t know how this dough will behave. Maybe the first time through you should just follow the original recipe and bake it in loaf pans, or as focaccia. Wasn’t it you who said you don’t tweak a recipe the first time you make it?

I changed my mind. I want to be creative! I want to be daring! How hard can it be? Bring it on!

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